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Ah, politics!

 
Hmmm... more loner musings

I was talking to my boyfriend about the whole "loner" thing, and the Loner's Manifesto. It started to hit me just how pathological both extreme lonerism and extreme social orientation are.

Rufus mentions in Party of One a couple of workplaces that are almost pathologically social, due to the over-social orientation of the leadership. In one of them, Good Vibrations, the vaguely feminist sex-toy store, the CEO/founder thrives when there are meetings that result in a lot of pointless chatter, especially when it's simultaneous, and goes nowhere. She's personally insulted when someone tries to end the meeting to "go home and think about" some of the ideas presented. She feels horribly lonely after the meetings are over. In this light, the company is apparently highly social, with lots of events and chatter, and constant small-talk. No room for in-depth thought, no room for a little quiet and introspection.

I'm not sure what it is, but this sort of environment reminds me a bit of Huxley's dystopia, Brave New World, in which the denizens were constantly on the move, from party to party, stimulation to stimulation, and addicted to happiness pills. One can only pity those of us who are introverted, rather like (damn I can't remember the misfit character's name) Bernard (?) who is constantly at risk of being shipped off to Antarctica due to his lack of "socialization." Too little thinking is pathological... too little solitude creates people with all of the dimensionality of a pancake. People are dulled by incessant chatter, incessant gossip, incessant small talk. Small talk breeds small minds.

On the other hand, some of the loners that Rufus mentions, include nuns and monks who sealed themselves inside the walls of churches, and lived there solo, with only someone to remove their waste and bring their food, a small slot for ventilation, and a single cross for company. These people stayed in there in some cases for life! She mentions saints who sealed themselves inside of trees, or lived their entire lives in small cells wearing chains, etc., to bring them closer to a diety. Complete, or almost complete isolation is just as pathological... no social skills, no sense of human empathy develops when one isolates oneself. Sometimes there is great creativity as a result, and sometimes, sociopathy.

I don't know what to make of it. I'm a bit of a loner, but I love to spend time with people, and sometimes I love to strike up conversations with strangers. I need people, I need the middle ground. I can't shut off my needs to be alone, but I'm not willing to shut off my need for others. There has to be something in between a vaguely Huxleyan dystopia, and extreme isolationism, but it doesn't seem as if there really is that possible in today's society. Rufus' lonerism has some appeal, but is far too isolating, and the extreme "team" atmosphere that is manifesting itself more and more in both the for-profit and non-profit worlds limits creativity, diversity, individualism and thought. But this is not a society of moderation-- you're doomed to pick one or the other.

The best I can do, I think, is follow my impulse and sign up for an improv acting class. I've been a little too isolated and bookish lately ;-)

 
Hehe, why I'm so bad at small talk...

Just read a bit of amusing advice about how to improve your small talk on Amazon.com, and ran across this little gem of a paragraph:

HAVE SOMETHING GOOD TO SAY
Find ways to increase your range of interesting topics by either study or experience. Learn to broaden your horizons day-to-day and week-to-week so you will have something of value to talk about. Stay current by reading a high quality daily newspaper like the USA Today. [emphasis is all mine]

Uuuuuuuuuh, yeah, I love reading high quality literature such as Dick and Jane Do Dallas. If this is small talk, I can kinda pass on it. Jeez, what the hell is wrong with covering stuff in depth and really learning about people?

Never mind. I'm not a small-talker...

 
Party of One Part Two

Or just a sort of random coincidental thought:

I was at work last Wednesday, the backorder day from hell, when we found out everything was totally out of stock. Ms. Touchy-Feely had come over to deliver the news in person, and was sitting in the back of my friend's cubicle. I just sort of stood there, kinda gaping, when my friend said, "Join the club-- you just got to miss all the fun yesterday."

I kinda blurted out as a half-joke, "Well, I've always prided myself on being a loner!" But I thought about it a bit, and realized that it is a little bit true. I am a little bit proud that I can survive and thrive on my own without outside assistance. Does this make me insane? Or am I antisocial-- hell, I dunno! LOL

Time to shut up and stop thinking ;-)

 
Party of One

I always knew I was a bit of a loner. I've always valued my privacy almost above all else-- from relationships to friendships to relationships with casual acquaintences. I love to spend time alone, and when I'm alone, I almost never find myself unhappy or bored. I've noticed I get bored easily when I'm around certain other people, though, you know, the super-extraverted ones. In fact, it's in listening to the conversations of these kinds of people that I find myself sliding into a bit of a stupor-- sure they're outgoing, and sure, they try to make you comfortable, but the sorts of things they discuss, from relationships to gossip to non-analytical sports talk, bore the crap out of me. I HATE small-talk-- it's just so irrelevant!

I'd read the reviews on Amazon about this book, and was pretty curious to see what Anneli Rufus had to say in her book, Party of One: the Loners' Manifesto. Anneli is more of a loner than I am-- I really do like people a lot, and a lot of times I really enjoy getting the chance to talk to them about real issues and real events that have real significance. I've gotten into some interesting conversations with a couple of people at my districts, and that's the part of my job (the ONLY part) that brings me a little joy.

But I do like my time alone, and my chance to recharge and use my imagination-- things that I can't do when I'm trying to make stupid conversation about the weather, people's children, trying to bite my tongue about my thoughts on the Iraq war, or dealing with conversations about hair or shoes or clothing. I hate this sort of stuff with a passion. I always hated it, from the time I was a child, and I would go off and play and imagine all on my own. I hated it when I was debating politics when I was in the 3rd grade. I hated it in junior high. I haven't stopped hating it for a second. I don't reveal a lot of my private life to these sorts of casual acquaintences, mostly because I think it is mine, and mine alone. I only share with who I wish to share it with, and I know that puts a lot of people off, the sorts of people who share everything, from their kids' secrets, to their sexual fantasies, to their feelings about their spouses, to anyone they can talk to. I don't trust these people for anything-- the people who sit in the cubicles across from me. The people who blab the knowledge they have about coworkers to the entire company. And my silence is almost a sin...

I guess I'm picky. I guess I'm bored by networks and people's lives. That's not really that true, actually-- I'm fascinated when I can make that elusive sort of connection, the one that lets you ask questions, and realize that you have a lot in common with another. It doesn't happen often-- usually there has to be some sort of commonality or some sort of shared interest or some shared way of communication that skips the, "How's your wife? Oh good! Did you know my grandson is having an operation?" kind of thing. Or the, "Did you see Survivor last night?" sort of inquiry. I don't, I haven't, and I never will. Who cares?

It was nice to see, on reading Party of One that I wasn't the only one who thought that way! I just remember as a child, all of the harassment my mother gave me about "getting outside" and playing with other children. I was forced to join a swim club and go to meets to socialize, mostly, I think. I got bugged and badgered about getting involved in school events, and was constantly compared to one of my neighbor's daughters who was a cheerleader, and a student council member. I never wanted to be, mostly because I didn't give a damn. I wanted to be left alone to think and read as I chose, and to imagine and do as I liked. Anneli's mother forced her to join the Bluebirds-- something I never had to do, luckily. Instead I had to go to ballet classes, and I think I got some flack for not going to rallies. I had to attend this Baccelaureate thingie when I graduated, a religious hell-ceremony, because my mom did. My own inclinations to be alone and think were ignored.

I am a bit of a loner, I guess... One of the things that I can really do to recharge is go off somewhere strange alone for a weekend, and just explore where I want to go, all on my lonesome. I don't want to get to know people, but I will chat if I have to. It's not really voluntary, so much as it is reflexive. I don't know... Rufus' book resonated with me more than I would have liked, since I can be very social at times.

I don't know what to make of it, really...